Lilacs

The Mary altar looked especially beautiful this year.  My new young neighbor allowed me to cull some lilacs from his yard.  The beautiful aroma filled my house.  Through the years lilacs had become my favorite flower.  The promise of spring brought to fulfillment.

This year spring was especially important.  Covid-19 had been wreaking its damage on the world, my relationships and sense of peace.

This had been a bit of a haul.  Our director of pastoral care at the hospital where I’ve served for the last 19 years as chaplain had been very ill and the last place he needed to be was a hospital full of Corona Virus.  Our volunteers had been sent home early in the pandemic so that left me to try to do what I could to offer spiritual support to a hospital full of frightened employees and patients.

By the 51st day of this marathon I was feeling broken.  I did not think there was enough of me to go around this Catholic hospital.  My fear is always that our Catholicism will get swallowed up in the zeal to be the biggest, the best and the most profitable of the two competing hospital chains in our area.

A big part of my mission was to fly that Catholic banner high by overhead prayer through our intercom system, the rosary in the chapel, and to help facilitate the daily Masses we had special permission to have celebrated.  That meant sanitizing, getting priests to celebrate, and announcing the good news that it was happening.

Additionally I conducted 12 spirituality groups a week for our behavioral health patients.

Angry, sad and overwhelmed, it had all come to a head on this sunny Tuesday.  I came in extra early to pray at the hospital’s town meeting.  I hadn’t slept well. Spontaneous tears were manifesting themselves causing me to stop and pay attention to what was happening with me.

I bopped in and out of the chapel.

Normally these ventures to the chapel were filled with purpose – liturgical duties, promised prayers. 

Today was different.  I left my cell phone in my office, usually along with me to provide music and to help with the recitation of the rosary every day.

Today I just went in and in my normal irreverent way told God he needs to send some help, something to boost up my flagging spirits, more tears.

I went back to my office, took off my damn mask and sat down.

Appearing at the door was one of our hardworking cafeteria ladies.  She presented a bouquet of lilacs to me saying, “These are for you.  I know what you do around here.”

Then I really cried – in thanksgiving for an ever present, ever loving God made visible through the beautiful flowers and heartfelt wish of one of his people.

Thank you, God!